Life often places us at crossroads where the right choice is not obvious. Do we follow duty or affection, speak the truth or protect someone’s feelings, stand firm or let go? Through stories, philosophy and our everyday experiences, let us explore these dilemmas—not necessarily to find perfect answers, but to learn to think more clearly and live more wisely.
1
Having recently completed our discussions on Why Don’t We Walk the Talk?, I thought I would share something that has been on my mind.
I have just watched the film Kartavya on Netflix for the second time, and it has left me thinking about what we call a Dharma Sankat.
Sometimes, life puts us in situations where we genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. We may find ourselves torn between duty and love, loyalty and conscience, or our own principles and the well-being of someone we care about.
The Mahabharata explores such dilemmas in depth. But not everyone may have read it, and we don’t need to have done so to recognise these conflicts in our own lives.
I feel Kartavya brings home how complicated some decisions can be. What appears right from one person’s perspective may look entirely different from another’s. And sometimes, even after making a decision, we may continue to wonder whether we did the right thing.
Perhaps this is also a reminder that we should be careful about judging others too quickly. We may see their actions without knowing the dilemma they were facing.
Understanding someone does not necessarily mean agreeing with them. But it may help us become less judgemental and more compassionate.
I would encourage you to watch Kartavya, if you haven’t already.
Even if we don’t have a discussion about the film, perhaps it will leave each of us with something to reflect upon.
And now, I would love to hear from you.
Is there a subject, a film, a book or an experience that you would like us to explore together?
Our discussions need not always lead to answers. Sometimes, the questions themselves help us learn.
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Anonymous writes:
Good morning, dear Aunty! ❤️
I will surely watch the film. It sounds like such a realistic one because, in life, we often face situations where we have to make difficult choices. Sometimes, there are so many options that we can only hope we have made the right decision.
We all reach crossroads where we are unsure of the right path ahead because, at that moment, every option seems right. Only after making a decision do we begin to understand its consequences, and sometimes we wonder whether we chose wisely.
Life can put us in a Catch-22 situation quite often. That is why we need wisdom and gut feeling (intuition) to make the right choices. Perhaps this becomes easier when, after doing our best, we learn to trust in God and surrender the outcome to Him. 😊🙏❤️
I ,Shakun say:
Life often puts us in situations where deciding what is right is not easy. The Mahabharata gives us a beautiful example of such a dharma sankat—a moral dilemma.
Dronacharya was the respected teacher of both the Pandavas and the Kauravas, who were fighting on opposite sides of a war. During the war, his young student Abhimanyu was killed unfairly by several warriors attacking him together. Dronacharya was the commander of the Kaurava army at that time.
Later, the Pandavas needed to stop Dronacharya from fighting. They made him believe that his son, Ashwatthama, had died. Overcome by grief, Dronacharya laid down his weapons, and Dhrishtadyumna killed him.
Here was a difficult dilemma: Dronacharya was their beloved teacher, but he was fighting against them in a war they believed was necessary to uphold dharma. And the means used to defeat him raised questions about truth and righteousness.
The story leaves us thinking: If we are fighting for what is right, does that automatically make everything we do right?
We may never face such dramatic situations, but in our own lives, too, we sometimes struggle to choose between loyalty, truth, justice and compassion.
Perhaps wisdom lies in examining our intentions, considering the consequences, and doing the best we can.
Sometimes, the hardest part of dharma is not knowing what is right, but deciding what to do when every choice comes at a cost. 🙏❤️
https://shakunkimatrai.com/dussehra/
3
Continuing with
Our discussion on Dharam Sankat
Anonymous says:
Good morning.
I have truly enjoyed reading & reflecting on the shares .
My personal journey has been a mix of reflecting on my life, where are my emotions coming , where are my triggers ( which are actually my shadows ) , as i understand that, I find i am able to deal with situations better .
No blame game .
I take responsibility of my emotions.
I , Shakun explain:
In simple words and cutting it down, what she is saying is:
She is describing her journey towards self-awareness and emotional responsibility.
- “Reflecting on my life” — She looks back at her experiences and examines how she responds to them.
- “Where are my emotions coming from?” — When she feels anger, hurt, jealousy or fear, she tries to understand what is causing these feelings rather than simply reacting to them.
- “Where are my triggers, which are actually my shadows?” — She recognises that certain situations provoke strong reactions because they touch something unresolved within her. These shadows might be hidden fears, insecurities, old hurts or aspects of herself she hasn’t fully acknowledged.
- “I am able to deal with situations better” — As she understands herself more clearly, she becomes less reactive and better able to respond calmly.
- “No blame game. I take responsibility for my emotions.” — Instead of making other people responsible for how she feels, she takes ownership of her emotional responses. This doesn’t mean others cannot hurt her or behave wrongly; it means she recognises that understanding and managing her reactions is her responsibility.
The essence of her message
She is saying:
“The more I understand myself, my emotional triggers and the reasons behind my reactions, the better I am able to handle difficult situations. Instead of blaming others, I look within and take responsibility for my own emotional growth.” 🙏🙏🙏
4
Continuing with
Our discussion on Dharam Sankat
Anonymous says:
Good morning.
I have truly enjoyed reading & reflecting on the shares .
My personal journey has been a mix of reflecting on my life, where are my emotions coming , where are my triggers ( which are actually my shadows ) , as i understand that, I find i am able to deal with situations better .
No blame game .
I take responsibility of my emotions.
I , Shakun explain:
In simple words and cutting it down, what she is saying is:
She is describing her journey towards self-awareness and emotional responsibility.
- “Reflecting on my life” — She looks back at her experiences and examines how she responds to them.
- “Where are my emotions coming from?” — When she feels anger, hurt, jealousy or fear, she tries to understand what is causing these feelings rather than simply reacting to them.
- “Where are my triggers, which are actually my shadows?” — She recognises that certain situations provoke strong reactions because they touch something unresolved within her. These shadows might be hidden fears, insecurities, old hurts or aspects of herself she hasn’t fully acknowledged.
- “I am able to deal with situations better” — As she understands herself more clearly, she becomes less reactive and better able to respond calmly.
- “No blame game. I take responsibility for my emotions.” — Instead of making other people responsible for how she feels, she takes ownership of her emotional responses. This doesn’t mean others cannot hurt her or behave wrongly; it means she recognises that understanding and managing her reactions is her responsibility.
The essence of her message
She is saying:
“The more I understand myself, my emotional triggers and the reasons behind my reactions, the better I am able to handle difficult situations. Instead of blaming others, I look within and take responsibility for my own emotional growth.” 🙏🙏🙏
5
Meena says:
Once we have made a decision, we must accept it.
We often keep wondering whether we made the right choice.
But constantly questioning ourselves can prevent us from moving forward.
We cannot assume that the path we didn’t take would have been better.
When we look back, we tend to imagine that the alternative would have given us a happier outcome.
But life doesn’t stand still. The circumstances we left behind have changed, and the other path would also have had its own unexpected difficulties.
Instead of wondering whether we made the right choice, we should work towards making our choice right.
We may not be able to control everything that happens after a decision, but we can influence the outcome through our attitude, effort and actions.
I, Shakun ask:
How does this relate to Dharam Sankat?
A dharma sankat arises when we are faced with a difficult choice and cannot clearly see which path is right. We weigh the possibilities, consider our responsibilities and eventually make a decision.
Her insight takes us to what happens after the decision.
We must stop living in the past, regretting what we chose or romanticising what we gave up. Instead, we should take responsibility for the path we have chosen and do our best to make something meaningful of it.
Accepting a decision doesn’t mean we must persist with it regardless of the consequences. If new information emerges or the decision is causing harm, wisdom may require us to reconsider it.
Perhaps her deepest message is this: We cannot always choose the outcome, but we can choose how we respond to the path our decision takes us on.
Sometimes, the dilemma doesn’t end when we make a decision; it continues because we cannot stop wondering whether we chose correctly. ❤️
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Anonymous says: A Dharam Sankat which we grahasthis are often faced with.
Should We Speak Up or Remain Silent?
Imagine that a close family member has done something wrong. Perhaps they have treated someone unfairly or made a decision that could hurt another person.
You love them and want to stand by them. But you also know that what they have done is wrong.
What do you do?
Do you defend them because they are family, even when you know they are wrong? Or do you speak the truth, knowing that it might hurt them, upset the family or damage your relationship?
If you remain silent, are you protecting your loved one, or simply avoiding an uncomfortable situation?
If you speak up, are you acting out of a sense of justice, or are you being unnecessarily judgmental?
This is a dharma sankat—a conflict between values that both matter to us.
I, Shakun say:
Maybe the answer lies in understanding that being loyal to someone does not mean supporting everything they do. We can love a person without approving of every action. We can speak the truth without humiliating them, and stand for what is right without being unkind.
The challenge is to examine our intentions and ask ourselves: Am I acting out of love, fear, anger or a genuine sense of what is right?
There may not always be an easy answer. But pausing to reflect before acting can help us make a wiser choice.
Dear Readers, I do not want to advise in a case like this because it is truly for the person facing the conflict to figure out where their action is coming from.
The above connects incidents in the Mahabharata, where family loyalties, personal relationships and duty repeatedly come into conflict.
It also gives my readers something practical to reflect on in their own lives.
A dharma sankat need not involve a war or a dramatic moral crisis. Sometimes, it is simply the difficult choice between keeping someone happy and doing what we believe is right.
And there is one important point worth remembering: not every disagreement is a moral dilemma. Sometimes we simply have different opinions. The real dharma sankat arises when important values or responsibilities genuinely conflict. ❤️
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Mala says:
I agree.
Also if you are a people’s pleaser , you will find it very hard to stand up for the truth.
Unless you can see yourself as a people’s pleaser.
I , Shakun say:
….your last sentence is particularly important: unless we recognise our tendency to please others, we may not even realise that fear of disappointing them is influencing our decisions.
There is another difficulty we may face in such situations. If we are people-pleasers, standing up for what is right can be particularly hard.
We may know the truth, but the fear of upsetting someone, being disliked or losing their approval can prevent us from speaking up.
The first step is self-awareness. Unless we recognise our tendency to please others, we may mistake our silence for kindness or our compromise for love.
Being kind is a virtue, but sacrificing what we believe is right merely to keep everyone happy can come at a cost.
Perhaps we need to ask ourselves: Am I choosing this because I believe it is right, or because I am afraid of disappointing someone?
Recognising the difference may not make the decision easy, but it can help us make it more consciously. 🙏❤️
I also feel that speaking the truth is not enough; we must learn to speak it with compassion. Sometimes, in our eagerness to stand up for what is right, we forget that the way we communicate can hurt others unnecessarily.
Truth spoken harshly, without sensitivity to another person’s feelings, can be very jarring. Our intention may be right, but the impact of our words may be hurtful.
Perhaps, before we learn to speak the truth fearlessly, we should learn to speak it kindly. The aim should not simply be to speak the truth, but to communicate it in a way that helps rather than hurts.
After all, Satya (truth) and Ahimsa (non-harming) must go hand in hand. 🙏❤️
PS I also believe that if we feel someone has done something wrong, we should have the courage to speak to that person privately before pointing it out in front of others.
It is easy to expose someone’s mistake publicly, but it takes greater courage and compassion to approach them privately and give them an opportunity to reflect and make things right.
Speaking the truth is important, but how, when and where we speak it matters just as much. 🙏❤️
8
Anonymous asks:
When someone instigates you in words and actions when nobody is watching and you have a reaction.
The person immediately exposes you for the reaction you have and not for what they did….
How does one cope?
Sometimes people provoke us in private and then expose our reaction to others, conveniently leaving out what triggered it in the first place.
I would say:
The key is to learn to pause rather than react. We may not be able to control another person’s behaviour, but we can learn to control our response.
If we do react, we can take responsibility for our words without accepting blame for the entire situation. We can calmly explain our side, but we need not desperately convince everyone of our innocence.
Remember, self-awareness is not self-blame. We can acknowledge our mistakes without excusing someone else’s behaviour.
Our goal is not to become emotionless, but to ensure that another person’s actions do not dictate our own.
As we often say, do your best and leave the rest. We cannot control how others portray us, but we can choose how we conduct ourselves.
Her other question is:
Our reaction
Always goes wrong.
Breath work when needed is hard to remember.
Silence at that moment is rare
All this has lead to more arguments and then the one who has started the issue goes scot free n the one reacting becomes the bad one.
I think learning compassion at that moment of frustration also requires a skill.
How does one become a compassionate person in that moment of anger
I ve tried this, it does work to tone down your voice n be compassionate many times .
But
Sometimes it is so spontaneous that every step to avoid the confrontation fails .
The outcome of instant reaction then takes a long time to become normal.
Please advice.
I would say:
The key is to pause before speaking, because compassion is difficult when our emotions are in control.
When angry, take a few slow breaths, lower your voice deliberately, and remind yourself that you can be firm without being unkind.
Just learn to say:
I agree to disagree …
Compassion doesn’t mean allowing others to walk over us. It means standing up for ourselves without losing our own dignity.
We must practice to become aware of our anger before it takes over. 😊
